Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
