I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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