Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
