your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
