How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
