census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
