There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
