Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
