Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
