drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
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