don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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