I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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