you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
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Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
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I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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