I think my vagina is haunted
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
