When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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