I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
