I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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