Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
