Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
How's work?
Spinning.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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