Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
