No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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