Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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