A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
