FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
