dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What drink are we having for lunch?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
why does every cop we meet know your name?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
