It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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