so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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