So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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