Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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