My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
