dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
