Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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