i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
