I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
