just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
