you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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