I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
