My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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