even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
