Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
