Your face is a jimmy john
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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