Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
