Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
