I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
