her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
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Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
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I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.