this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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