And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.