The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.