so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.