well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?