Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
