She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
