We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
