party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
