I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
