why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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