You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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