dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
