he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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