I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize