I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
