yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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