rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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