batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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