It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
