the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
