Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
