I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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