Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
