when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate