Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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