Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
