I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.