So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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