dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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