your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
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You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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