I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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