I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?