my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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