Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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