does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
