Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
