what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
