I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
