After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
