is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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